On a recent visit to the San Francisco Bay Area, popular comedian Dave Chappelle decided to try his hand at some trans and gay themed jokes. While a transcript was unavailable, notes from a Facebook posting by out lesbian Bobbi Lopez, who said she attended the show with her girlfriend, and from a staff member at the venue, reconstruct things as so.

Lopez's Facebook post was also picked up last week by the http://www.SFist.com blog.

Chappelle's joke was about being approached by a "man in San Francisco with 'titty balls,'" whatever those are. He talked about being uncomfortable around a "man with titties," and donned a stereotypically effeminate voice. He spoke of reacting angrily when this person asked him to lunch, and worried about "US Weekly catching us together."

In her note, Lopez said that she grew angry, and heckled Chappelle. His response was to say Lopez had "real titties."

Lopez, who works in the Tenderloin and said she became upset, has called for a boycott of Chappelle and a dialogue with the staff at the New Parish Music Hall in Oakland, where the show took place.

"I want some action," she wrote in her post.

I always find myself of two minds when situations like this come up. Chappelle makes his living from offensive humor, and while much of it has been at his own expense, it has not been limited to such. He is, essentially, an "all access offender."

There is a long history of this in comedy, with decades of comedians willing to say whatever it takes to get a laugh. I think back to Lenny Bruce's "Masked Man," who lusts after "unnatural relations" with Tonto, or old Don Rickles's bits built entirely around offending any and all. The late Richard Pryor was no stranger to this, nor is Eddie Murphy. The late George Carlin wasn't either.

So if a comedian is willing to take on all comers, then why should it be okay to laugh along when other groups are skewered, but not your own?

When, for example, The Daily Show makes a transphobic joke, should I feel okay about excusing it because, well, Jon Stewart and company will make fun of just about everyone, including themselves?

When David Letterman's announcer, Alan Kalter, runs off stage in mock horror because recent Obama appointee Amanda Simpson "used to be a dude," should we sit back and let it go because this is simply the sort of off-color humor one expects from Letterman on a nightly basis?

Likewise, when Keith Olbermann on MSNBC makes jokes about Ann Coulter's gender identity, should I give him a pass because of any other group he might make fun of?

I don't know.

More than a decade ago, Norm MacDonald, during his stint hosting "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live , made a very unfunny joke about the Brandon Teena murder, "In Nebraska, a man was sentenced for killing a female cross dresser [sic] who had accused him of rape, and two of her friends. Excuse me if this sounds harsh, but in my mind, they all deserved to die." Har har. There was no question that this was wildly inappropriate and definitely not funny.

This is also a far cry from Chappelle being uncomfortable with a transperson in San Francisco, however.

Take the basic premises of his "joke." Someone different who made him uncomfortable stopped him on the street, and he did not like it. In this case, it was a transperson, and apparently one with the old-fashioned gay "lisp," because he was talking about San Francisco, and we know all about them, do we not?

So let's say I make the same joke about being uncomfortable when a Latina approaches me in East L.A. or the Mission District of San Francisco, or elsewhere with a large Hispanic population. Or how about me being uncomfortable – even hostile – when an African American man approaches me in Harlem or Compton. Suddenly, it doesn't feel funny. It feels uncomfortable at best, racist at worst. I know it does for me.

When I was a kid, "Polack jokes" were all the rage. People made light of the Polish military ordering septic tanks and so on. Indeed, to call someone this was essentially the same usage that "gay" has now in elementary and high schools: a synonym for "dumb."

By that time Irish jokes, Jewish Jokes, Italian jokes, jokes about African Americans and Asians, and other ethnicities were on the way out, reserved for closed-door jests and admonishments to "not share this" outside of those same closed doors. Sadly, I suspect that many of these jokes still make the rounds.

Nevertheless, the Polack joke went as out of fashion as a leisure suit.

What I recall about these times was that some were up in arms about the loss of these jokes. Indeed, some argued, they made fun of all ethnicities, so how could they be in trouble for telling a Polish joke?

That's what I feel is going on when we give Chappelle or anyone a pass because he was perfectly funny when he made fun of people that weren't us. He does have some funny, insightful, and relevant things to say – but when he falls into base transphobia, it seems perfectly right to call him on it.

This discomfort, this anger he expresses simply over a transgender person asking him to dinner, is the same sort of thing that the killers of transgender people claim when they go in front of the judge. This is the "transgender panic" defense with a laugh track.

Yet this wasn't about his discomfort, really. This was about someone he felt was a freak, so decidedly different that they deserved to be mocked.

Therein lies the difference. While it's fine to offend, push boundaries, and otherwise try to be edgy, it is simply not cool to do it at the expense of others who can and will be hurt by this. It's fine to make a joke, but when the jokes turn to scorn and contempt, the laughing is over.

Gwen Smith really does have a sense of humor, somewhere. You can find her online at www.gwensmith.com.